The Power of Support: Helping a Friend or Family Member with an Eating Disorder

Supporting a loved one with an eating disorder can feel overwhelming and heart-wrenching. It’s a delicate journey that requires patience, understanding, and unwavering support. Whether it's a friend, partner, or family member, recognising the signs and knowing how to offer help without causing harm is crucial.

Our latest blog aims to provide you with some key insights and practical advice to navigate this challenging path. At Staffordshire Network for Mental Health, we understand the emotional toll it can take on both the individual and those supporting them, and we’re here to guide you through this difficult time with care and compassion.

Problem or Disorder?

What's the difference between eating problems and eating disorders?

• An eating problem is any relationship with food that you find difficult.
• An eating disorder is a medical diagnosis. This diagnosis is based on your eating patterns and includes medical tests on your weight, blood and body mass index (BMI).

What are the signs of an eating problem?

Food plays a significant part in our lives. Most of us will spend time thinking about what we eat. Sometimes we might: Have cravings, eat more than usual, lose our appetite or try to eat healthier. Changing your eating habits like this every now and again is normal. But if you feel like food and eating is taking over your life, it may become a problem.

There are many ways that eating problems can affect the way you act and think about food. But eating problems and disorders are not just about food. They can be about painful feelings that you may find hard to express, face or resolve. Focusing on food can be a way of hiding these feelings and problems, including from yourself. Many people think that someone with an eating problem will be overweight or underweight. People might also think that certain weights are linked to certain eating problems. Neither of these things are true.

How might eating problems affect my life?

Eating problems can affect you in lots of ways. You may feel depressed and anxious, tired a lot of the time, ashamed or guilty, or scared of other people discovering your ‘secret’.

Furthermore, you might find that:-

• ●     It's hard to concentrate on your work, studies or hobbies
• ●     Controlling food or eating has become the most important thing in your life
• ●     It's hard to be spontaneous, to travel or to go anywhere new
• ●     Your appearance is changing or has changed
• ●     You're bullied or teased about food and eating
• ●     You develop short-term or long-term physical health problems
• ●     You want to avoid socialising, dates and restaurants or eating in public
• ●     You have to drop out of school or college, leave work or stop doing things you enjoy.

With other people in your life, you may feel:-

• ●     You're distant from those who don't know how you feel, or who are upset they can't do more to help
• ●     They focus a lot on the effect eating problems can have on your body
• ●     They only think you have a problem if your body looks different to how they think it should be
• ●     They sometimes comment on your appearance in ways you find difficult
• ●     They don't really understand how complicated things are for you.

Eating problems and other mental health problems

Many people with eating problems can also have other mental health problems. Some common experiences include: depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), phobias of certain foods, issues with self-esteem and body image, forms of Self-harm or body dysmorphic disorder (an anxiety disorder that is linked to body image). Food is one of many ways in which anxiety, depression or obsessive-compulsive behaviours can be expressed.

How to help someone with an eating disorder

Getting professional help from a doctor, practice nurse, or a school or college nurse will give your friend or relative the best chance of getting better.But this can be one of the most difficult steps for someone living with an eating disorder, so try to encourage them to get help or offer to go along with them.

You can support them in other ways, too:

• Keep trying to include them – they may not want to go out or join in with activities, but keep trying to talk to them and ask them along, just like before. Even if they do not join in, they will still like to be asked. It will make them feel valued as a person.
• Try to build up their self-esteem – perhaps by telling them what a great person they are, and how much you appreciate having them in your life and that you're happy to support them.
• Give your time, listen to them and try not to give advice or criticise – this can be tough when you do not agree with what they say about themselves and what they eat. Remember, you do not have to know all the answers. Just making sure they know you're there for them is what's important. This is especially true when it feels like your friend or relative is rejecting your friendship, help and support.

Practical ways to help someone with an eating disorder

As well as developing your own understanding, these practical ideas can help the person you're worried about. You could try the following:

• Include them in social activities. If they find it difficult to eat, arrange activities which don’t involve food. You could watch a film, play a game or take a walk
• Keep mealtimes as stress-free as possible. Don't comment on their food choices. Let them get on with eating the food they feel able to eat.
• Find safe ways to talk about it. Some people find it helps to refer to the eating problems in the third person. Try saying things like "that's not you, that's the eating problem speaking".
• Help them find good information and avoid bad sources. This could mean looking for reliable facts and trusted online support. It also means helping them avoid places online that may promote unsafe eating and exercise habits.
• Share stories from other people. It can be really helpful to read stories and accounts by people with eating problems. Especially those who are ready to think about recovery.
• Encourage them to seek professional help. If they are worried about talking to their doctor, you could offer to go along with them.

Tips for your own wellbeing

It's important that you manage your own wellbeing while supporting your friend or family member. Try to do the following if you can:

• Remember that recovery can be a long process. While their body might look healthier quickly, they may be finding things hard emotionally. Relapses are common and don't feel very encouraging. It helps to accept this as part of the process. Don't blame them, yourself or anyone else
• Try to be kind to yourself. Supporting someone with an eating disorder can be upsetting and exhausting. It's important to remember that your mental health is important too, and you deserve support for yourself as well.
• Seek support from specialist organisations. Depending on your relationship to the person, there may be dedicated support options.

Those living with an eating disorder will have good days and bad days. During times of stress, the eating difficulties may be more likely to return. Changing the way people with eating disorders think and feel is never easy, and it takes time.

Supporting someone with an eating disorder is a journey that requires patience, understanding, and emotional resilience. While it’s not always easy, your support can make a significant difference in their recovery. Remember, you don’t have to navigate this path alone - reaching out for professional help is just as important for you as it is for the person you’re supporting.

At SNfMH, we’re here to offer guidance and a compassionate ear. Together, we can ensure that no one faces these challenges without the care and encouragement they deserve. Recovery is possible, and with the right support system in place, it can become a reality. 

Keep believing in the small steps and remember that your presence and understanding can help them heal.